I must confess that I love drinking games, like I love them. The Odd household can turn anything into a drinking game (case in point: in addition to the standard rules of drinking rugby the Argentina vs Scotland match in the rugby world cup was made infinitely more fun by the introduction of the Patterson hat, whoever was wearing said hat (given as punishment for infringements of the International Drinking Rules) had to drink every time Chris Patterson was shown in close-up for the duration of his appearance. Five minutes in the Patterson hat and you are fucking wasted) and we do, frequently.
Because my music died on my walk to work I had plenty of time to sketch out some basic rules, just in case the benevolent Pajiba Gods decide not to give us a comments diversion for it in the near future. I have crafted a rudimentary set of rules mainly for the comments found on Pajiba reviews. If anyone has suggestions for a review based drinking game, or rules to add please feel free to abuse me in the comments. And now, far be it from me to deprive anyone from boozy goodness so, out of sheer public service, may I present:
The Pajiban Drinking Game – because reading through fifty odd snarky and bickering comments sometimes needs something to take the edge off.
The basics:
Drinks taken are measured in “fingers” of depth down the glass. I suggest playing with pints of beer, bottles if you’re a lightweight. For the love of God, please don’t play with whiskey. The basic terminology is as follows:
Sip: does exactly what it says on the tin, take as much (or as little as you want) depending on how hardcore you’re feeling
Drink: take two finger’s worth of your drink
Swig: take four finger’s worth of your drink
Chin: finish your drink
Shot: take a shot of the hard stuff (your choice but you get extra points for making it Bushmills)
Most rules require you to drink but you may need to take a shot if certain conditions are met. Got it? Good.
The Rules:
- Sip every time you see…
- An offended comment
- Shot: it was made by BarbadoSlim
- A comment by socalledonlycousins
- The phrase “fantastic review”
- A suggested addition to a Guide to What’s Good for You
- A quotation in italics
- A commenter name in bold.
Drink if…- A commenter corrects the reviewer’s spelling or grammar
- The phrase “fantastic review”
- Shot: it’s within the first five posts
- A commenter uses a shortened or acronymic version of another commenter’s name
- A commenter uses a shortened or acronymic version of an actor/director’s name
- A commenter references Firefly or Serenity
- A commenter uses a shortened or acronymic version of an actor/director’s name
- Shot: it’s a quote
- Something is deemed as deserving “a Paddlin’”
- A commenter downgrades their excitement about seeing a film
- A commenter thanks the reviewer for taking a bullet
- Anybody bemoans a remake
- A comment exceeds three paragraphs
- Two commenters get into a conversation entirely unrelated to the review
- A commenter downgrades their excitement about seeing a film
- Take a drink for each comment that is part of the exchange
- A commenter reminds someone of the site’s tagline
Swig if…- A commenter is referred to by name before they reply in a particular section
- One commenter proposes marriage to another
- Someone complains of elitism
- There is an argument over the definition and/or usage of a particular word
- A commenter is referred to by name before they reply in a particular section
- Shot: That word is retarded.
- Shot: That word is misogyny.
- Shot: That word is anything relating to racism.
- Shot: That word is misogyny.
- Someone offers to hand in their Pajiba membership card
- Anyone complains that the review is invalid because the reviewer is not of the target demographic
- Anyone claims a commenter’s arguments are invalid because they haven't seen the film
- A collective noun for the site’s readership that isn’t “Pajibans” is used
Someone claims that Hollywood is watching us
Chin if…- The review was in a non-standard format
- Someone claims to be “first”
- A comment is under three words in length
- A trade round up is entirely positive
Drink yourself into Oblivion if…- A Tyler Perry review gets less than thirty comments
- Anyone complains that the review is invalid because the reviewer is not of the target demographic
- If none of them concern race you’re going to need rehab
- Any of the following people are referred to as “talented” or “a visionary”
- Lindsey Lohan
- Paris Hilton
- Dane Cook
- Uwe Boll
- Brett Ratner
- Larry the Cable Guy
- Eli Roth
- Paris Hilton
- Somebody admits to liking Norbitt
Suggestions? Random abuse? You know what to do.
