fucking shove it

You know what, Simon Mills, why don't you crawl right back in to the hole you came from. Oh and take some journalism courses while you're in there. I hear the University of Phoenix offers some excellent distance learning programs, and you seem ideally suited to them. On said course you might like to learn a little something called fact checking and research! It's this super fun concept where when you write a bullshit opinion piece for the Telegraph (to be published in the oh so prestigious fashion section) you don't just pull the contents out of your arse!

Sounds great, huh?

I was angry reading your article, I really was. Phrases such as

"It is hard to argue that any of these irrefutably beautiful women has been anything but blighted - rather than enhanced - by her rash decision to become graffitied"

(So full of assumptions! So very patronising! So incredibly subjective!) and:

Most tattoos are the cheap plumage of the attention-seeker, visual ice breakers for last-chance barflies and aspiring reality TV show contestants. They certainly aren't scary or alternative any more. Now that they have been co-opted by the masses - the squares, the mortgaged, the Volvo drivers, the wusses and the girls - we have come to accept their fairground aesthetic in much the same way we have decided to allow Gordon Ramsay's pointless swearing.

(Oh no! Women get them, they are no longer valid! Also: Making sweeping generalisations about a sizable proportion of the population is fun and not at all hackish!) made me want to spit venom. But then I realised that essentially you are another irritating little man with an axe to grind, who for some reason takes offense at what people with no connection to you whatsoever do with their own bodies. Imagine that!

So now I kind of just feel bad for you. I'd still like you to go find that hole though.

Kisses

Alex

ps. you know it is possible Pharrell Williams is having removal work done so that he can improve the tattoos he has, this is actually an incredibly common reason for laser treatment as people evolve and change and wish their artwork to do so too. (You might want to factor that in to the statistics you're so fond of.) But it's cool though, if you want to keep making assumptions about the motivations of people you've never met I won't stop you.

pps. Spur of the moment flash ripped from the wall is a leeeeetle different from custom designed artwork requiring hours of work and lashings of skill

ppps. So glad you enjoyed my article enough to really take it to heart and follow the advice within it. Maybe next week you could write a piece about how maligned the White Middle Aged Male is, I hear that's pretty topical right now.

Update: apparently I wasn't the only person the Telegraph pissed off today.

on tattoos, beauty and perception

The Boy says:
so welche blog was dem crappy comment?
The Fabulous Miss Odd says:
on mine
The Boy says:
ink and apples?
The Fabulous Miss Odd says:
And I quote:
The Fabulous Miss Odd says:
"I gotta say it. There is nothing more beautiful than a woman's bare back, and there are millions of men who may fall in love with you but will find your artwork revolting. It's a done deal now, but it's a little heartbreaking."
The Boy says:
did u delete it?
The Fabulous Miss Odd says:
No, it's on an old post
The Boy says:
from way back when? why did it upset u then?
The Fabulous Miss Odd says:
http://www.inkandapples.com/2008/04/as-per-your-requests.html
The Fabulous Miss Odd says:
Just cause, it's an issue I've dealt with before. I've been told by male friends that my tattoos pretty much make me hideous
The Boy says:
feh
The Fabulous Miss Odd says:
and it's never nice when someone searches out an old post and leaves a comment to say how sad it is that I've ruined myself
The Boy says:
if someone cannot be arsed to go beyond that then their loss
The Boy says:
heck one day you may get a tattoo I dislike or find aesthetically displeasing but it wont make you hideous ugly or likely to murder babies
The Fabulous Miss Odd says:
hehe
The Boy says:
tho that last point may become necessary to curb the gene pool
The Boy says:
of utter stupidness
The Boy says:
so get a tattoo like that, yeah I like
The Fabulous Miss Odd says:
I was going to say: cause baby murdering totally sounds like something I would do
The Boy says:
but tbh, if you get a tattoo that isnt amazing or that doesnt "work" then.... well it's your choice and peoples ideas of you shouldnt change
The Fabulous Miss Odd says:
exactly
The Boy says:
if someone loses a limb (other END of the scale, i know) does that make them hideous? i doubt it

women and tattoos

A couple of articles were published today on the subject of women and tattoos. The first is, predictably, completely fucking dreadful. But I'm going to cut it some slack because it sounds like the kind of thing a junior researcher wrote at three am while wired up on coffee and under the instruction to "make it sexy" (because seriously there's no other explanation: Women like butterflies! And hearts! Dolphins are meaningful! Stars are cute! That splintering noise you can hear is my teeth grinding by the way).

The second article, from my favourite newspaper, is actually much better. Despite a false start ("Once seen as a macho world of bikers and seedy basement parlours" which I'm convinced they actually have to put in articles on tattoos in order to get them published) the piece focuses on some of the awesome female tattoo artists working today. Of course, the first artist they have to mention is Kat Von D I mean, fair enough, she's incredibly high profile but the woman irritates the hell out of me. And I've never even seen an episode of her reality show. I think it's something to do with irresponsible and poor quality tattooing under the guise of breaking a world record or possibly having a makeup range at Sephora (because, seriously?) but whatever.

More importantly the article also talks about Saira Hunjan, a woman whose work actually makes me drool. And even more importantly than that the artist I want for my eventual full left leg tattoo based primarily on this lovely lady's description.

I suggest you go and read the whole thing. It's worth a look.

In other tattoo related news: Want. The Boy (unoriginal moniker I know, but it's how I refer to him in my head anyways) has been talking about wanting a new set of tarot cards for ages, and I'm thinking of adding to my collection. I may have to buy a couple of sets next month when I have some cash because: wow. Pretty.

write your own... tattoo themed "news" story!

Title: Must include the word "ink", a pun on the word "tattoo" or a reference to permanence. Sample titles: Written in Ink, Tatt's all folks, Tattooed for thought, A permanent part of the student body.

Photograph: Either a celebrity that has one or more tattoos (note, they do not have to be mentioned in the text), an exterior shot of a tattoo studio or fuzzy close up of a tattoo taken from flickr.

Article text: Take at least six of the following, in order:

[Comment on tattoos being a "hot new fashion trend", possible reference to reality TV show]

[Note on how tattoos are "no longer just for sailors and convicts" bonus points for implying sluttiness of women with tattoos by mentioning prostitutes]

[Statistic on number of people possessing a tattoo, bonus points if figure covers the "number of people under twenty five"]

[Tenuous link to college campus/workplace/city/demographic that article is being written about - sample text: "tattoos are now a common sight adorning the bodies of Princeton's students" or "more and more Mothers are now sporting tattoos"]

[Citation of celebrities who have tattoos. Bonus points for the following: Mike Tyson, current American Idol contestant, Avril Lavigne/Rhianna or celebrity that has had a tattoo altered or removed eg. Johnny Depp. No extra points for mentioning Angelina Jolie as this is a prerequisite to publication]

[Quote from semi-articulate person who has a tattoo, possibly on the nature of "personal expression" or "remembering milestones", must include comment about individuality for full editorial impact]

[Quote from tattoo artist about how people are starting younger and going bigger with their tattoo designs]

[Cursory explanation of the difference between flash and custom designs]

[Statistic concerning number of people who now regret their tattoos - bonus points if this is backed up with a quotation from an HR goon about hirability]

[Quote from a "doctor" specialising in laser tattoo removal, possibly referencing follies of youth, definitely citing patients who have had a spouse's name removed]

Factfile: Pick one of the following options:

Tips for getting a tattoo (including inspired gems such as talking to prospective artists, checking portfolios and being really sure of the design you want permanently etched into your skin)

Tattoo removal methods (cite physical abrasion for maximal shock factor and tattoo removal creams to be extra misleading)

Article Comments: Must include at least three of the following:

"Everyone has tattoos now, personally I think I'm being more of an individual by NOT getting one"

"I hire for a large company and you can call me old fashioned but I wouldn't employ anyone with a visible tattoo" (note: this must be followed by at least seven accusations of discrimination, bonus if one cites employment law)

"I think they're OK on guys but tattoos on women are trashy"

"I went to [good school] and now work as a [impressive profession] and I have tattoos, therefore I am proof that everything you have said is wrong"

"TRAMP STAMP"

"Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD. Leviticus 19:28" (three posts pointing out that this is taken entirely out of context are also required with this comment)

"I think a couple of small tattoos can be ok but the big ones are just nasty"

"You have to wonder what these people are going to look like when they're in their sixties. That tribal butterfly won't look so good then!"

[Note: for best impact just under half of comments should be poorly spelt and grammatically incorrect. The word "tattoo" or some variation thereof must be misspelt at least every other post, acceptable variations are "tatoo", "tatto", "tatood", "tattoo'd" etc.]

as per your requests

This is the photo from my latest session (and yes, there is a session missing - it's the stuff below my waist and I'm avoiding posting photos of my ass online, I will put up full sized finished photos though promise), not really much new stuff but you can see that the direction has changed somewhat. We're going for a art deco/comic book hybrid feel (especially with the new outlining) - there were much more sketchy lines adorning me but Kamil decided that he couldn't risk losing what we had done so far so I got some unexpected tattoo work done. But my shoulders are finally covered - so hurrah for that. Anyways, here's the picture:

I go in next towards the end of July so I'll be walking around looking like an unfinished canvas for a good few months. Again. So yeah, comment away.

what I don't understand

Why is it OK for a sixteen-year-old girl to submit herself to anaesthesia, to have her flesh cut and pulled away from the muscle, to have a foreign substance put within the walls of her body, a foreign substance that can be toxic, in order to modify her appearance - to fit in with the Western ideal of physical perfection? How is this desecration of the flesh any different from binding her feet or stretching her lip? If it makes her feel more confident, more at ease in her own skin then we have to ask ourselves why. Why is it that a child, in America still not of an age to be legally able to consent to an adult sexual relationship, should feel the need to cosmetically enlarge a part of her body that is considered a sexual symbol? Why is breast size tied in to her worth as a person? Why can she not be happy with the way she looks until her chest has been cut and stuffed and sewn?

Why is doing that more acceptable than this? Or this?

Is it because it's performed by medical professionals? Because it can look "natural"? Because someone, somewhere said so?

Help me out here.

As to what got me thinking about this: there's an interesting and (dare I say it) almost balanced article trying to understand the motivations behind body modification that was brought to my attention today via needled. Of course any sweeping generalisations concerning tattooing immediately puts my hackles up but this piece made me feel altogether less stabby than usual. It's worth a read.

Oh and if anyone could answer my plastic surgery questions I'd be really grateful. It's bugging me.

entirely self-inflicted

The following is a list of every day things that I cannot do without causing myself immense amounts of pain:

Walk
Sit down
Lay on my left side
Climb stairs
Bend down
Crouch down
Reach upwards

Considering I walked an hour in to work this morning because my travel card had run out of money and I'm currently perched very gingerly on the edge of the world's most uncomfortable chair you can probably guess what kind of a mood I'm in.

Yes indeed, ladies and gents - this little kitten got herself tattooed again. Look very carefully at the list above and you may be able to guess what part of herself she had repeatedly stabbed with needles. But my God is the result pretty. And amazingly the session was far less painful than anticipated, my cunning plan of having headphones plugged in and music playing incredibly loudly worked like an absolute charm, I actually lasted for a semi decent amount of time which bodes well for the future. As it stands I'm about an hour out from having the foreground finished (which will have to be done at a later date as I won't be healed enough to work on that spot again by my next session) - we start work on the background next session, so I get to spend an hour standing in my underwear and being scribbled all over (we're having to freehand the background to make sure everything that needs to be covered gets covered) which should be... interesting. The upshot of all this is that I may actually have the full piece finished by the end of Summer.

I'm starting to regret promising my Mother I'd wait a year before starting on my sleeves. I want to get them started NOW damnit!

Oh yes, no photos this time I'm afraid - there was way too much blood/swelling/running ink to get an even half way decent image but I'll get some next session when the new work's a couple of weeks healed.

I'm off to go and whine some more about how much pain I'm in.

hotness

Because I feel like the place needs brightening up a little, how about some colour?

Is it wrong to be completely entranced by something on your own skin?

This was taken when the work was freshly done - it looks a ton better now that it's pretty much healed, my next session isn't for another month I'm giving my poor back a chance to heal itself.

This is also posted over at Inked Oddity.

*sniff*

Well, here's a fun twist. I'm sick. And I hardly ever get ill, but on the few occasions that I do it tends to burn high and hot for a couple of days before my uber immune system kicks its ass.

Ex flatmate M theorises that the vast amounts of adrenaline and shock to my body on Wednesday shot my immune system to tatters making me susceptible to every October bug going round at the moment. I think I probably have all of them. Seriously guys, I'm the only girl I know who gets man-flu, I'm a seriously crappy sick person, I whine and bitch the entire time; demanding sympathy when I really don't deserve it .

So yep, I have an October bug, great. I'm two years out of uni and I still get Fresher's flu. The other alternative, of course, is sepsis and I'm not quite hypochondriacal enough to suspect that.

Downsides to being sick inlcude: not being able to detox this weekend, not being able to go to the pub to watch the rugby (aw shaddup, I would have gone along and drunk orange juice... actually I may still do that), feeling like crap so not sticking to my diet (which was going so well! I've lost around half a stone with only marginal effort), foggy head so not being able to work.

Upsides to being sick include: being able to spend my friday evening in bed reading magazines, having an excuse to watch the entire of Full Metal Alchemist uninterrupted (I promised myself I'd only watch it start to finish in one sitting so the box-set has been sitting on my shelf un opened for a while), flatmates cooking for me, legitimately gaining sympathy for the fact that I'm literally in pieces (I didn't realise quite how many movements involve using the muscles in my back, turns out it's "all of them" not good) rather than getting the, completely justified, "it's your own fault" response.

Tattoo pictures and a description of my first session are forthcoming on the very strict condition that there are no comments about any part of the image other than the artwork. I'm looking at you Vermillion. As it ended up being ever so slightly larger than intended I'm rather more, how shall I put it, exposed in the photos than I'd like and the only way they're getting posted is if we can all agree to over look that tiny insignificant detail. M'kay?

And can someone please explain how a nice girl like me essentially ended up with the beginnings of a bodysuit?

new blog, comment diversion, tattoo and pub quiz

Well, I'm back from a fun filled evening accidentally attending a pub quiz, who'd have thought we knew so very, very little about 2006? Not us and that's for sure. Still: joint 4th and I had the world's nicest (and most artery clogging sandwich) as a result.

First up: make sure you visit Pajiba for their newest comment diversion, yes indeed I'm pimping it because it mentions me by name and I find this awesome. So sue me. (note to all legally minded people: please don't.)

Secondly: I'm running a second blog - I know, I know: I can barely keep up with this one but there is method to my madness. As some of you may know I am currently in the process of getting a new tattoo, this has been in the works for a good long while and it is a subject that I feel passionately about. To that end, in addition to my stream of consciousness and undirected ramblings here you can also find updates on my tattoo process as well as commentary on the art form within the media over at Inked Oddity. I felt that keeping the majority of my tattoo related musings in one place might be a good idea, so there it is. It's a more directed blog and hence has fewer posts, and for the foreseeable future I'll be posting notes of any updates here at Circular Logic. Please do check it out and comment if you feel moved to, feedback is always welcomed. In time it will expand but for now please forgive me for my scatterbrainedness. The entire point of this paragraph is essentially to say the following:

An account of the first steps towards my new tattoo is up on Inked Oddity so please take a look.

*ahem* back to our regularly scheduled programming:

More posting tomorrow. For those who are interested I had a news post planned today but unfortunately some idiot managed to cut through our building's fibreoptic cable, effectively crippling us and giving me a half day off. Downside: no post. Upside: new tattoo in the works.

wednesday geekery

I'm feeling the warm and glowy love for my subject today. Mainly because of this article. Seriously, if it were possible to marry a piece of journalistic writing it would be this one waiting for me in the registry office. The author puts into words exactly what I want to scream at some people on a daily basis. The gist of the article is this:

The past 30 years or so have been an age of endarkenment. It has been a period in which truth ceased to matter very much, and dogma and irrationality became once more respectable. This matters when people delude themselves into believing that we could be endangered at 45 minutes' notice by non-existent weapons of mass destruction.

It matters when reputable accountants delude themselves into thinking that Enron-style accounting is acceptable. It matters when people are deluded into thinking that they will be rewarded in paradise for killing themselves and others. It matters when bishops attribute floods to a deity whose evident vengefulness and malevolence leave one reeling. And it matters when science teachers start to believe that the Earth was created 6,000 years ago.

It's a well written piece and well worth the read, I may be a little biased as creationists were the bane of my religious studies A-level (I did it for the ethics course which, incidentally was a super fun experience. I was the only person in the room who didn't think that aborting your heroin addicted half sibling was going to earn you a one way ticket to the land of fire and brimstone. Try teaching situational ethics to that crowd. Here's a hint: you can't.) but this is not an anti religion thing, people are perfectly capable of combining science with belief. I've seen it happen. And whether or not I see the rationale or point behind it is an entirely off-topic issue.

The way I see it the essential problem is the death of the questioning mentality. The general public isn't educated enough in the basics of science to question what the newspapers and their so called "experts" have to say. And so we live in a society where potentially famine-solving research into GM crops is put on hold because "We'd be eating DNA!!!!", people give their life savings to psychics and mothers endanger the lives of their children because they want them to be treated "naturally". It makes me ill.

Here's my dirty little secret: I own two decks of tarot cards. I can also read I-ching. I have an oracle book. But and I really must stress this I do not believe that they will answer my problems or tell me anything I don't already know. Dividing yarrow stalks or dealing cards gives me the time to think over a problem and by the time I'm done it doesn't even matter what the outcome is. I think horoscopes are a bit of fun, I read them as I flick past the page and then immediately forget them. These things are diversions at best and quite frankly anyone who thinks they're anything more needs a fucking straitjacket.

I think magazine psychics are a sick joke - especially the ones who pass on messages from dead loved ones or give life advice based on their spirit guides. Live psychics are frankly, con-artists. Anyone who's looked at cold reading will tell you so. But still this isn't where my problem lies.

My problem is when they call it science.

Skepdic makes for an enlightening read on the subject especially if you don't have a scientific background, there are some fantastic articles on the ways that studies using "scientific methodology" can be deliberately misinterpreted, skewed or simply explained away. Most people don't understand scientific terminology so if you have an agenda to push then it's easy to twist things your way by throwing out some jargon and hoping the public bites.

I honestly believe that critical thinking should be on the curriculum as standard. But what do I know?


Well now that the ranting and raving is over with I'll give you something amusing to look at while I get on with the business of packing up my soap box.



Now that's dedication to the cause. There are more tattoos for the thoroughly geeky here, and I must say: it did indeed brighten up my day.

taking temporary tattoos to a whole new level

This article in the Guardian caught my attention this morning. I have kind of a problem with the concept of tattoos becoming "trendy" (although I will be laughing my pretty inked ass off when everyone who got a tattoo because it was cool suddenly finds themselves stuck with a permanent brand that's no longer in style) it's just another case of something I love being made tacky by the mainstream. I guess I'm lucky in that I'm crazy about something that is inherently customisable but it still annoys me.

This is essentially someone putting patterns on a shirt and using the label of "tattoo" as a marketing tool, but I suppose if people want to waste their money on a pointless fad then more power to them. I did like the attitude of the artist towards the guy licensing his artwork though:

"This guy is at ground zero of everything that is wrong with contemporary civilisation," Hardy commented. "However, if he wants to make a lot of money with my art and it's not going to be overtly negative, then what the hell."

Anything associated with the word "tattoo" that doesn't come with some pain and the problem of permanence just isn't going to cut it I'm afraid. I didn't think I'd ever believe this but now half the point of getting ink done is the process for me. I think maybe I'd be less irritated about the clothing line if there was some kind of physical penalty involved in the buying process, perhaps for every cap you buy then you get 15 minutes of a sharp stick being jabbed repeatedly into your ribs. The time limit could increase by the size of the item and by the cliched nature of the design. Now that would be acceptable. Almost.

The Guardian (which seems to be running a theme of late) also published this article last week on the future of durable, removable tattoos. I'm an inherently fickle person and at the grand old age of 22 I'm already getting a cover-up/re-work of one of my pieces of ink. Do I wish this technology had been around then? No.

"Why ever not, Alex?" You ask. Well, I'll tell you:

I currently have a big, blue, unlined snowflake on my right shoulder blade. It's horrifyingly placed, poorly coloured and if I have to hear one more person say "is that.... umm.... is that a cross? No... can't be a cross - it's blue. Maybe some kind of flower?" I'll scream. But it's my own fault. I was 18 when I got it, it's my first piece of custom work and I spent all of fifteen minutes thinking about it. I was too nervous to say anything to the artist and so just mutely nodded when he showed me the art (which I could tell I wasn't 100% about even then) and got it done. I hated it from the second it was on my skin. Every one around me hates it still, but I don't.

In fact, I kind of love it now.

It's there as a permanent reminder that I shouldn't rush into things, to think things through before I do them and, when it's been re-worked, it will be a symbol that even something truly awful can be made better again. Bizarre that the most non symbolic of my tattoos can end up meaning the most to me in the end. And I've learnt from it - my last tattoo had to be repositioned five times before I was completely happy with it, and I had no qualms about doing so. And I'm going to be a complete pain to my artist with my next design, but I've learnt now that if something isn't perfect from the beginning then it's not going to magically become that way over time, so I don't really have a choice.

sum total

This evening I managed many things: I dyed my hair (and it's now a stunning shade of almost-purple), I messed around with my blog settings, I researched tattoo artists for my next couple of projects (I've decided on the amazing Kamil who just so happens to reside at my favourite Camden haunt for my half sleeve and Mantas down in Brighton for the black and grey piece on my back), I unpacked food shopping, I convinced my Mother that having purple hair a week before a possible interview was not a bad thing, I also watched an episode of Firefly and stalked some people on facebook.

This evening I failed to do many things: Finish my application form (and I repeat: deadline of tomorrow), do any kind of exercise, clean the bathroom after turning half of it pink or eat anything.

I knew that turning on my computer was not going to bring about any kind of productivity and yet I had no choice if I wanted to get anything useful done. Procrastination was inevitable. And now it's too late to finish anything, let alone start it and I'm way too hungry to stay awake and too sleepy to cook anything so bed seems like the only direction I can go in.

Never mind, there's always tomorrow morning - I mean, it's only my future. No problem.